The only horrific story from the Menendez brothers' new document that explains their entire case

As a culture, Americans better understand the injustice done to Lyle and Erik Menendez. The brothers were convicted in 1996 of murdering their wealthy parents, Jose and Kitty Menendez, in a gruesome double murder seven years earlier, when Lyle was 21 and Erik was just 18. Their trials took place amid a tabloid media frenzy that emphasized the brothers' alleged greed and sociopathy while making fun of the decades of emotional and sexual abuse they allegedly endured at the hands of their father. Despite overwhelming testimony in the initial trials proving that they were telling the truth about their abuse, they were all ultimately sentenced to life in prison without parole.

Netflix's latest Ryan Murphy docudrama, Monstertakes a candid look at the brothers' allegations of abuse, but also does them a disservice by accepting the possibility that the couple made the whole thing up out of sympathy and even insinuates an unfounded incestuous relationship between them. So it makes sense that, to offset these rather irritating claims, Netflix also recently released a documentary with the simply title The Menendez brotherswhich backs up the abuse allegations with an impressive array of first- and second-hand sources – including the brothers themselves, who appear through recorded phone conversations from prison.

Several members of the Menendez family appear in the documentary with stories of the abuse the brothers suffered at the hands of their father, including Joan Vander Molen, Kitty Menendez's sister, and Diane Vander Molen, a cousin of Lyle and Erik.

Diane spent most of her summers growing up with the Menendez family and has never deviated from the story she testified at the brothers' first trials – that Lyle had told her about her father's sexual abuse when he was just eight years old. Her testimony also implicated Kitty Menendez, who, she claimed, knew about Lyle's claims and either didn't believe them or ignored them. Afterwards, the brothers said the alleged abuse continued for years, with the brothers claiming that their father's sexual abuse of Erik continued into Erik's adulthood, with Lyle learning that his brother was still being abused just days before the murders .

Several members of the Menendez family recalled several frightening stories of abuse, but one about a loss of trust in Lyle's childhood, the first story told by Diane Vander Molen in the documentary, seems particularly revealing as a glimpse into the brothers' lives.

“One time Jose put Lyle on a kitchen counter and told Lyle to jump down and he went to catch him. While Lyle was doing this, Jose backed away, dropped him to the ground, and told him that no one can be trusted.”

As an isolated example, we might consider this an anecdote about a cruel prank played on an innocent child. But in the context of everything we know about Jose Menendez and his children, it takes on a lot of significance. It's a simple but insightful look at a man whose behavior appeared to be a prime example of coercive control – a long-term pattern of behavior in which a family member uses an ongoing strategy of manipulation and emotional abuse against his partner and/or children. This was just one example of a lifetime of alleged psychological torture. It's frightening to imagine what such an environment would do to two little boys who were forced into such mind games by a parent they loved and trusted.

Coercive control often accompanies other dysfunctional behaviors, including domestic violence and sexual abuse. Although the term was first coined in 1982, it was only popularized as a concept in the late 1980s (through an influential book on the subject) and has yet to be fully or generally understood by the general public. More states are beginning to incorporate restraints into their civil procedures and domestic violence policies, but as of 2024, only a handful of states, including Hawaii and Massachusetts, actually prosecute restraints as a crime.

While most people recognize that strategic manipulation is a key factor in situations involving long-term domestic abuse, the justice system lacks sentencing guidelines that take this understanding into account, including when dealing with juvenile and young offenders. In the case of Lyle and Erik Menendez, the court did not even accept that prolonged abuse could be a defense to murder.

Lyle and Erik were initially tried separately in 1993; Both trials, in which the defense relied heavily on witness testimony to support its allegations of abuse, resulted in hung juries. The next trial began in October 1995, just eight days after OJ Simpson's acquittal – the timing of which, the documentary suggests, may have increased the public's thirst for revenge against wealthy defendants. In that trial, in which they were tried together, the judge rejected what he called an “abuse excuse” and therefore rejected almost all expert and personal testimony that supported the brothers' claims.

According to a juror who appears in the documentary, jurors in this trial were also discouraged from considering manslaughter as an option, which could have drastically reduced their sentences. Given the overwhelming number of witnesses to support her claims of an abusive, coercive household and the increasing understanding we have of how long-term abuse can affect children, it is widely believed – and their defenders have argued – that their trials had been aborted would have been very different today. The law increasingly recognizes that coercive control and persistent abuse support the defense of diminished capacity, which can often lead to a conviction for a lesser offense.

Fortunately, the brothers have a chance at a reprieve: A recently rediscovered letter allegedly written by Erik Menendez eight months before the murders, detailing his ongoing sexual abuse at the hands of Jose, has been used as the basis for a motion to overturn the convictions the brothers used. According to a recent article in People magazine, the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office will make a formal recommendation on the motion to the court on November 26. This means the Menendez brothers' nightmare could finally end.